


A lot to answer for

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-20
Updated: 2009-02-20
Packaged: 2019-02-02 11:52:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12726135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel remembers what was unforgivable





	A lot to answer for

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** First short story. Hope you like.

The guilt and grief were too much. He almost felt that the pain of it would stop his breath in his chest. |How could he know what he was guilty of and still be sane; still breathe. But he walked on, past a group of military guys trading jokes in the hall and headed into the refuge of his office. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, wrapping arms around himself as if he could hold himself together.

Remembering tiny snippets from when he had gone and done the glowy thing was painful beyond belief. This memory had literally staggered him. If he had known back on Vis Uban what remembering would involve he would have run for the hills the moment he'd spotted an SG team. He'd been so right to worry about remembering this stuff. He had done the unforgivable, and he hated himself for it.

He stumbled over to his desk, leaned against it and panted through the pain. His glasses slipped from his nose and clattered unseen to the floor. Faces he had murdered flashed before him with each gasp of pain. His good father, his brother Skarra, Misha, Jinjal, Menk and gods the children, so many children. All of the them, the whole damned planet. He'd gotten them all killed. He had the blood of thousands on his hands, perhaps hundreds of thousands. He was giving |Hitler a run for his money.

A hand touched his shoulder.

Daniel turned, and the tears that had clouded his vision spilled onto the hand.

Jack's grip tightened on Daniel's shoulder. “You remembered.”

Daniel shuddered. “Thousands, |Jack. I ... . So many people...”

“Yup, Anubis has a lot to answer for.”

“No Jack, ...”

“Aht. Daniel, I am only going to say this once, I shouldn't even have to say it at all 'cause if you remembered what kind of person you were then you'd know that you did everything in your power to protect the Abydonians from Anubis. Everything. In. Your. Power. It wasn't your fault.”

“How do you know, Jack, How can you say...”

“I know you, Daniel. Everyone on this base who knows you will tell you the same thing. You would have given your life to save those people, Daniel. In fact you gave your ascended life to save them. But it wasn't enough. Not against Anubis.

“What |if being ascended changed me |Jack – what if I became a monster there. “ He held up a hand to stop Jack before he could speak. “You told me that I visited you when Baal was torturing you – that I knew what he was doing to you. God, he was killing you over and over and I did nothing. That ascended thing that I became – did nothing ...”.

“Daniel, you did everything you could get away with.” This time he held his hand up to stop Daniel from interrupting. “Being ascended meant you had rules to follow, and you hadn't been gone that long when Baal got a hold of me. You tried to help me in the only way you knew how. I know you did.”

Daniel was quiet, Head bowed, shoulders slumped. His arms crept up and wrapped around himself again.

“Maybe you should be blaming me for Abydos,” said Jack softly.

Daniel's head shot up, momentarily speechless with shock.

“I pushed you Daniel, You told me the Others would stop you if you helped us, but |I pushed Daniel. I made you break their rules and they stopped you before you could stop Anubis.”

“You don't know that Jack.”

“Timings about right. You became Arum about the same time.”

“You weren't even there Jack - on Anubis's ship. It wasn't your fault.”

“Well, If it wasn't my fault and it wasn't your fault then we blame the guy who had his finger on the trigger.”

“Anubis.” The arms unwrapped slowly and the shoulders unhunched.

“Yup. Anubis has got a lot to answer for.”


End file.
